Is it possible to quit pornography and walk away from it for good?

My answer to that question is yes, but you can’t expect it to work on the first try.  Going cold turkey and never looking back is the right approach.  (Read my post & follow the video on Radical Amputation approach to quitting pornography)  With pornography, it is not possible to use it here and there and decrease you dosage gradually.  We have simply become out of control with our usage.  Pornography grabs a hold of you and controls you. 

Alcoholics & drug users can attest to the same situation of how their addictions ran their lives and caused their lives to spin out of control.  Going  cold turkey is the only way to break free from the very thing that harms us.  You can’t play with a little bit of fire and not get burned.  Fire is fire and even a little bit does you harm.

You will experience symtoms of withdrawal – physical & mental.  You will be extremely tempted to justify even the shortest peek at some porn.  You will inevitably slip up.  Everyone has relapses during their recovery process.  Here is some advice:

• Don’t give up – get back up after you fall.  The difference between winners and losers in this battle is that the winners got back up one more time than the loser who gave up.
• Don’t play around the edges of pornography – no swimsuit models, underwear models, erotica, provocative ads, suggestive radio shows – steer away from the edge or you will fall into the pit!
• Know what triggers your urges for pornography - We all have our weak moments, moods, and situations.  Identify them, avoid & counteract them.
• Reach out during your weak moments – Call your sponsor or accountability partner.  An accountability partner is there to help pull you through times of temptation.

Go cold turkey!  The temptations and failures will come.  Don’t let them get the best of you.  Get back up, dust off and press forward.  Eventually, these times of temptation and failure will come further and further apart.  You will get to the point that Pornography will take its last finger off of you and let you go!!  It will cease to control you!! 

Please leave your comments below.  If you need to ask me any questions regarding pornography addiction, you can contact me through the link in this sentence.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.  Galations 6:7

You reap what you sow.  This biblical truth plays out in many areas of our lives.  Whatever you put effort & time into you will receive the benefits & effects back.

• If you put time & effort into exercise, you will be rewarded with better health, weight loss and stronger muscles.
• When you put time & effort into your marriage, you will see the results through better communication, more love, respect, & general harmony.

We can also reap negative things if we put our time and efforts into activities that are not wise and even destructive.

• Those who spend much time in a bar drinking will experience hangovers, fractured relationships, and poor health.
• If you chase women for one night stands you will reap STDs, divorce, and shame & guilt.

What about those of us who have used or use pornography?   What are we reaping with the sowing of countless hours in front of the computer?  Do you think that there are no effects to you?  What are you reaping by sowing the seeds of pornography into your life?

• Selfishness?
• Lust?
• Inability to communicate deeply?
• lost time?
• Strife in your marriage?
• Shame?
• A constant focus on Sex?

The things that we reap are often not apparent to us.  It is hard to see the effects that porn has on us because it is very deeply rooted inside.  Many of us won’t act out in a way that will land us in jail or cause divorce.  Just because the effects of Pornography useage are not clear does not mean we are using it without harm.

I challenge you to think about ways that you may be effected by pornography usage.  You cannot use it without any effects on you! 

Please leave any comments, questions and further thought below.

I was pondering this question myself just yesterday:  If I had not been introduced to pornography in my early teens, what would be different in my life today?

First off you need to understand that my first introduction to pornography started me off on a journey that led to pornography addiction.  That first taste of seeing that scantily clad, beautiful woman started a fire in me that fueled my lust for many years.

If I had not been introduced to pornography at the age of 12 or 13, my life would be different today.  How so?  For starters, I would not have wasted countless hours looking at porn.  I wouldn’t have had my view of women changed from looking at them as mothers, daughters, and friends to sex objects,  and only there for my sensual satisfaction.  If I was not introduced to porn, I would know how to better relate to women.  I would have learned how to communicate with them and appreciate them as human beings with personalities and souls.  Other questions arise that seem water under the bridge – Would I have married my wife?  Would I have had enough courage to talk to that one girl I had a crush on?

Where would you be today had you not been introduced to pornography and used it?

• Maybe you would not have lost your marriage
• You may not have lost your job due to watching porn on the computer
• Maybe you would not be in jail for child porn or molestation
• Would you have a more fullfilling and deeper relationship with your spouse?
• Would you not be such an introvert and have the guts to talk to someone of the opposite sex?
• Maybe you wouldn’t fanticize so much and undress others with your eyes

Ask yourself this question today – What are your answers to this?

Come talk about it over on the message board:  The battleplan message board where you can talk about pornography addiction and how to get freedom!

White noise… it is all around us…. we are influenced by it whether we recognize it or not. 

The other day, the kids and I went to the library to do our biweekly drop off and pick up of new materials.   When we reached the library we realized that the power was out.  They were still open for business, but we were among only the handful of people there. 

While my kids looked for books and movies, I sat in a comfy chair and realized how quiet it was.  Libraries are normally quiet places, but there was an absence of that white noise we live with daily.  Computers, lighting, HVAC, copy machines, and other little things were not powered up and it was noticeable.  I enjoyed the quiet! It was peaceful and I was able to think clearer and relax easier.   

We deal with many kinds of white noise that is out of our control.  Many of the modern convieniences work in the background 24/7.  These devices intrude on the peace that we sometimes need.

There are also many things that we put on or take in intentionally that intrude in our lives and help form our moods and thoughts - Radio, TV, the internet, newspapers, magazines… etc.  We have control over when we read or turn on the radio, but many of us do this without considering the cost.

Consider the fact that your thoughts, ideas, and emotions are easily influenced by what you consume each day.  For example:  recently I heard a radio talk show on the topic of a website that matches people who want to have an affair.  The interview with the owner and the ensuing conversation about adultery made my mind wander into thoughts that I should not entertain.  I changed the station and then thought about the fact that this show led me down the road to entertain thoughts of adultery.  If I had not listened to this show, I would not have even considered the scenarios that rolled through my mind.  Another example was when I picked up one of the women’s magazines that my wife had laying around.  I found a Q&A column on sex advice. That article caused my mind to wander into sex scenarios and I had to stop myself.  I was setting myself up to sin in the future by letting my guard down.  Had I continued on this road, I would have relapsed into pornography.  It is amazing to me how easily media can lead us into impure thoughts, rationalization of sin, and sometimes to act out in sin. 

The daily assault on our minds comes from every angle.  We need to carefully filter what we see, hear and read everyday.  If you struggle with impure thoughts, don’t listen raunchy radio shows, read questionable magazine articles or watch sexually suggestive television.  Our media intake works in the reverse as well.  If you want to affirm and build up your values and beliefs, your media intake must agree:  Read the Bible, watch wholesome television that confirms your values, listen to radio that agrees with your values. 

There also comes a time when you must ‘unplug’ totally and get away from all forms of media influences.  Quiet times to reflect and pray are necessary and beneficial.  I believe that the white noise and the media bombardment everyday wear us down and make us tired and easily distracted from hearing God. 

Today try to be conscience of the assault on your mind.  Get away today and unplug from the white noise and media influences. 

Once upon a time when I was deeply held by the grips of pornography, I decided that it was time to give this up.  I was sick of the guilt and fearful that it would be found out what I had been doing.  It was time to trash my stash and get rid of the magazines and videos.  After figuring out how to hide my stuff in the trash, I had a small feeling of victory.  You see, at this time I did not comprehend that I was addicted to the stuff.  I could quit at any time.  Pornography was just something I was playing around with.

The first few days were great.  Clean living was the way for me.  Now I feel inside like the clean-cut all American kid I was on the outside.  On to the next challenge in my life.  I can cross out my ‘quit pornography’ item on my list! 

Within the next few weeks, temptations were everywhere.  I could not get my mind off of sex.  At every turn I would see a gorgeous girl, flirt with a co-worker, or watch something on TV that would rev me up.  I needed a release from this built up sexual frustration, so I got a few magazines and was back in the game. 

This cycle was repeated many times in my teens & early twenties – binge on porn, feel guilt & shame, vow to quit, trash the stash and then jump back to the start.  What was I doing wrong?  Why did I feel so helpless against Porn? 

I was ready to give up and just learn to live in both worlds (the real world and the make believe porn world).  I knew that I couldn’t kick this habit on my own, but I did not ever want to tell anyone what I struggled with.   At that time I was going to a Bible study and we would occasionally glance the subject of keeping our eyes away from temptations.  One day, our leader announced to the men of the group that we were starting a men’s only group to address men’s issues.  Specifically- Pornography.  Wow.. I thought that I was the only guy dealing with this in my life. 

This group has been one of the biggest assets in my recovery from pornography addiction.  In this group I have found the confidential support and tools needed to get freedom.  We share our failures, victories, tips for freedom and we hold each other accountable. 

Quitting pornography is not a ‘Do It Yourself’ project.  You need the help and support of another person or a group that can be there for you and help pull you out of the much of pornography.  Pornography loses some of it’s power over you when you expose it through confession to someone. 

Places to find help:

1. A local church – many churches have addiction recovery resources
2. XXXchurch.com - This in an online resource for help for porn addicts
3. SettingCaptivesFree- Setting captives free provides free online studies and gives you a mentor to communicate with.
4. CandeoCan- CandeoCan is an in-depth program to stop using porn.  You will gain access to a whole program and get a mentor to talk with.

Don’t go it alone.  Get help today.

While in recovery from pornography addiction, you will fail.  No one I have ever heard of breaks free from an addiction without a relapse.  That is why its called recovery – it’s a process.

Relapses happen because we don’t follow the directions provided by our program.  Many times one of your program directions will be to call your accountability partner when you are tempted.  You don’t do it and wind up blowing through the other roadblocks that are setup to keep you from falling – disabling an Internet filter,  lingering too long on a provocative ad, allowing yourself to fantasize about sex… etc. etc. 

When you fail, there are a few things you need to do:

1. Think about what roadblocks you blasted through
2. Acknowledge it was your own fault and you could have stopped yourself, but didn’t
3. Call your accountability partner and tell him what happened
4. Seek forgiveness from God and ask Him to strengthen you to get back up and fight again
5. Consider any new roadblocks you need to establish to tighten the security around your purity

The worst thing we can do after we fall back into pornography is to slough it off and give up.  Many times we feel like it is helpless and we will always be like this.  We don’t have to live lives in the cycle of using porn, feeling shame full and guilty, vowing to quit and then doing it all over again.

Failure is a speed bump on the road to recovery.  Don’t let failure turn you around 180 degrees back to pornville!

God’s mercy and forgiveness are most evident when we fail and come to him with humble hearts.  His love will surround you and you will feel forgiven. 

After feeling His forgiveness you will know that He will be with you on your journey and that He wants you to live a life of purity.  His mercy is better than all the emptiness and temporary pleasures that pornography provides.  His love and mercy are forever.

Do you use porn?  Have you used porn in the past?  Maybe you are or have been addicted.

I urge you to take this survey to help Dr William Struthers from Wheaton Collgee.  Dr Struthers is studying pornography and his research project is trying to create a list of personality and psycological factors that contribute to the propensity to use pornography. 

The survey takes about 30 minutes.  All your data is kept confidential.  Your email address is collected but the researchers will not have access to it (only the IT guys need it in case you need to finish your survey later).

Take the survey and help further research into porn use and addiction.

Take the survey here:  Study on porn history and use factors

I found this short article interesting.  The porn industry is starting to get rid of the dialogue in their films and concentrate more on the sex.  More people want to see just the sex and not the bad acting according to sources. 

In case you don’t know me, I am anti-pornography.  The reason for my stance relates to my beliefs that porn is a misuse of sex as the way that God created it.  Another reason I am against porn is because of the way it had a hold on me when I was addicted to it.  I believe that porn screwed up my view of women and the way I related to everyone.  Porn turned me into more of a selfish, pleasure seeking jerk who was interested in his own satisfaction. 

 The reason that porn has this effect on its users is because of the themes that run through porn films.  The main theme of porn films is a guy who just shows up in everyday circumstances and encounters women who want him.  A bit of flirting and a few suggestive words then they are stripping each others clothes off.  This theme runs through out heads in our everyday life.  We look for those situations and we often daydream about them as we go about our days.  Life is really not about sexual conquest at every turn.  The things that happen in porn films don’t actually happen in real life.  

This theme in porn harms our sex life with our spouses.  There is very little (if any) caressing, kissing, and caring for the other partner in a porn film.  When we rush into the act of sex, we are missing out on a very satisfying and intimate time – the foreplay.  Rushing into sex without the foreplay puts us on the level as a dog or other animal that just gets the duty done.  Aren’t we better than animals?   

People who use porn are really longing for that intimacy before, during and after sex.  We all need to be loved and to love someone else.  The intimacy that happens through the whole sexual encounter satisfies our souls and makes us different and special when compared to the animal kingdom.

 Cutting out all foreplay & interactions from porno:

Will this mean that porn films will be more destructive if they cut out every bit of foreplay and get down right to the sex?  — I think more people adopt these new themes of porn and further destroy intimacy in sex. 

Will pornography suffer from cutting this out?  — I think so.  If anything, people want more of the intimacy involved before sex. 

 What do you think?

We have seen it happen to others or have experienced this ourselves; Trading a few moments of pleasure for a world of regrets.

How often do you indulge in some pleasure you know you shouldn’t and later on have to deal with the regret, shame, and anger at yourself?  We pay the price, many times over, for indulging in these pleasures.

The guy who fires up his computer and has a session of porn viewing and masturbation feels good while he is engaged in the act.  Later on he hangs his head in shame because he succumbed to temptation yet again.  He secretly loathes himself for it.

The other guy who is having an affair and cheating on his wife.  The excitement of the affair is pleasurable and fulfilling, but in the end he loses his wife, children and respect from others. 

A woman is enjoying a series of one night stands after closing time.  Later on she learns that she has an STD that will be with her the rest of her life.  She now has to live with this and will have to explain it to future men.  She will always kick herself for her behavior and will risk losing a good man who she wants to marry.

There are many other examples of where enjoy a few moments of pleasure and live with the consequences forever.  Those consequences can be guilt, loss of family, shame, prison, loss of character, loss of job, etc…

Whenever we do something we know we shouldn’t, it will come back to bite us in some way.  God established that rule in this world.

Let’s live lives of integrity!  No regrets.  Let’s do the right thing today.  Is there any activity you are engaged it today that you would be ashamed of if you were caught?  Are you engaging in something that is pleasurable that you know is wrong, but it is just too good right now to stop?  Would you live differently if someone was watching everywhere you went, saw everything you looked at, knew every thought you had and heard every word you said?

Stop trading these moments of pleasure for a future of regrets. 

Proverbs 13:6 – The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

Contrary to popular culture’s stance on pornography, there are side effects to using porn. Drug companies are legally required to warn you of the possible side effects while taking their product. Many people will never experience all of the side effects listed or they will have one or two of them but won’t attribute them to the drug they are taking. It’s the same thing with porn usage. You will have a side effect, but you may not realize or notice it yourself. Sometimes people around you will notice something that you are blind to. Here are a few of the side effects that may be present in you, some obvious, others not so much. 

Here are a few points to ponder if you think porn you can use porn without consequence. 

It amplifies our selfishness

Pornography changes our perception of women

Pornography robs you of your passion for anything else besides itself

Pornography will destroy your ability to be intimate (emotionally) with your spouse and others

Pornography will destroy your ability to be intimate physically with your spouse

Pornography will grow the time you spend in fantasy land

Pornography will make you act differently in the bedroom

Read more on each of these points:  The side effects of using porn – Does porn warp your brain?